Day 9: Still Going Dark

People who miss deadlines have a lot in common with people who cheat on their partners. They do it again and again.

January, 18, 2010

Yeah, that happened. You didn't see it coming. You couldn't. I didn't let you.

Still don't.

I'm still going dark. Site didn't go live yesterday. I missed my deadline. People who miss deadlines have a lot in common with people who cheat. They do it again and again. They are repeat deadline-missers. It's a red flag about my diary-writing ability – as if my no-writing progress wouldn't be enough. What was I thinking?

People who blog, I suppose, have great discipline and even greater confidence. I just got proof that I lack these two. I started this diary to track the progress of my writing and reading goals that I set up to achieve within five years.

"The life of a diary is often born of a tension, a disequilibrium in the life of its author, which needs to be solved or held in check"

(Steven E. Kagle in American Diary Literature)

Among my list of excuses for keeping this diary private there's one that cites some technicalities, which need to get fixed… But who cares about whether the "Subscribe" button is working? Subscribe button... Bullshit. Subscribe to what? Darkness?

It's a peaceful Saturday, I'm one kid down and wasting my time on a future website that I don't dare to make live.

This is me for real. There is nothing worse that I can show about myself than this. (Good thing that I don't.) Truly. A chickenshit procrastinator. I fear failure. I fear success. I fear everything that has anything to do with my talents.

"What do you do, Mirus?"
"I fear."

Fear is Evil. It takes us our life.

Let's add some information to this pathetic post:

I am going to make this website live as soon as I manage to add some value to it.
I promise. Till then I make peace with the fact that it's a common, boring, at times pathetic journal, my record of experience and growth (well, not just yet).

"The journal is a record of experience and growth, not a preserve of things well done or said."

(Henry David Thoreau)